Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Part of Chapter 11

Here's part of Chapter 11 from The Ultimate Evil. It's another section with Arvil and I hope he sounds as terrifying as I want him to.

When Taon and Garthon reached the top of Black Peak Mountain, they faced the enormous doors to Dark Castle. They opened before them and the horse walked in.

There were several men, Unicorns, and Excadians in the main hall. All watched as Garthon dismounted and pulled Taon off the horse. A man came up and took the steed’s reins.

Suddenly, everyone fell to one knee, head bowed. Taon looked to see Arvil standing in the room. The Dark One King held his head high as he walked through the room, his hard hooves making sharp clicking sounds on the stone floor. He strode right up to Taon. “Do you not know how to kneel?”

He nearly shivered as the Dark One spoke. Arvil’s breath smelled like strong sulfur and it made him want to cringe. But he set his eyes with determination and said, “I do not bow before the one I do not serve.”

Arvil began to chuckle. “Taon,” he said as he began to walk behind him. “As long as you are here, you will always kneel. . .!” When he said this he kicked out with his hind leg and hit Taon in the back. With a grunt, the knight fell forward. “. . .in my presence.”

Gasping in pain, Taon struggled to his feet and looked at Arvil. Blood trickled down his chin from a split lip. “And…what will happen… if I refuse?”

Arvil rushed forward and slammed his shoulder into his chest. Taon went down again, the wind knocked out of him. “If you refuse, then I shall destroy Aduan now.”

“Ha!” Taon’s voice was triumphant and he spit blood out of his mouth. He forced himself to stand again on shaking legs. “That threat holds nothing. You don’t know where the princess is!”

“Oh, but I do,” Arvil purred. He walked forward and held his face next to Taon’s. “I do. As we speak she is in Excadious. She is waiting for an audience with King Lemar to discuss with him the possibility of unification between the Validor, Excadian, and Shaldothe armies.” The Dark One pulled back, taking satisfaction from the shock and dismay on the knight’s face. “Now, the question is, will you kneel in my presence or further risk your princess’s safety?”

Taon had no choice. He knelt before the Dark One King, cringing as Arvil’s triumphant laugh echoed through the castle.


Once Taon had been taken to the dungeon, all who were in the hall departed, except for Arvil and Garthon.

“Where did you find Taon?” the King wanted to know.

“In the Mountains of Validor, near the Excadian border,” he promptly answered.

“I see,” he said and the brute did not like the look he saw in his master’s eye. “And, um, was anyone with him?”

“Yes. A young woman.”

“Indeed?” he said, nodding his head. “Did she have long auburn hair?”

“Auburn, yes. But it was not long.”

Arvil stepped closer. “Who was she?”

Feeling suddenly nervous, Garthon swallowed, hoping the Unicorn wouldn’t see that he had begun to sweat. “She. . .”

“Yessss?” Arvil hissed as a snake would, sending out a serpent tongue that tickled the brute’s cheek.

Garthon straightened his shoulders. “She was a knight in the Validor Army.” He forced himself to laugh. “The fools are recruiting women, making their band all the more pitiful.”

Arvil laughed. “Dear Garthon, you misunderstood me. What I meant was. . .what was her name?” His voice had lowered dangerously. It was so strange to see such a tall, strong, brute of a man tremble in paranoid fear. Arvil loved it.

“I. . .I don’t know, sire,” he admitted.

“You don’t know.” The Dark One King’s voice was low and threatening. His eyes hardened, became red, and he exploded, “You FOOL!”

Hurricane force winds blew from Arvil’s mouth as he shouted the last word and the echo of his cry could be heard through all of Dark Land. Garthon, helpless against the power, was thrown against the hard stone wall.

The shape-shifting Unicorn’s mane and tail was whipped relentlessly by the wind that did not cease or slow. Multiple bolts of lightning cracked across the room. His terrified eyes locked with his master’s, Garthon began to wonder if Arvil truly was a demon from Hell.

“That was the princess!” Arvil shouted, his voice deeper and more terrifying than it had ever been before.

“My liege, I swear I did not know!” he cried, holding his hands up.

But Arvil ignored the obvious plea for mercy. He reared and whipped around and, as he did, Garthon flew through the air to be slammed against the opposite wall.

“IDIOT!” Arvil cried. “IMBECILE!”

The winds ceased and Garthon dropped to the ground like a deadweight, groaning in pain. Arvil galloped over and slammed his front hooves outside the brute’s ears and he cringed at the echo.
Arvil stared down at his prey, taking deep, heaving breaths, smoke erupting from his nostrils.

Garthon’s eyes were wide with genuine fear. “Are you going to kill me?” His voice trembled.
Arvil lowered his head, holding it close to Garthon’s. “Oh, I am sorely tempted. If only I didn’t need you to lead my armies. . .” As he spoke he grazed his horn against the brute’s chest, feeling him tremble. He locked eyes with him. “But mark my words, Garthon. One more mistake. . .and your life will be over.” With an angry snort, he galloped out of the hall.

Copyright 2008 by Madison Hood

Well, what you y'all think?


Audrey May said...

I enjoyed this much more than the character description. I really want to read the previous 11 chapters so I can understand why Taon is in the Dark Castle. You have officially interested me with this tidbit and I most definitely want to read more. I am jealous of your writing skills. I wish I could write. I can't. I suck at it frankly but I have so many good story ideas I just can't transpose them to paper. Oh, well. Good job with this. Post more from your story.

Audrey May said...

Oh, and Arvil sounded terrifying. It seems to me like if he could he would do everything seems to bother him that he's not all-powerful. I really think he's a "good" villian.

Madison said...

Audrey, I am soooo glad you like this. I added you in my acknowledgements page for this story because you have done so much to help support it.
And I will definately post a little more. Trying to think of what to post next from the tale to stir up interest without giving away plot secrets. I'll figure it out! :-)

Sarah said...

I hope that didn't give away too much, revealing the location of the princess. 0_o I guess you would know better than I.
I loved this so much, i was sad it was so short, i need the rest of the book! and you were right, it really does feel like a graphic novel! tho i may have an over active imagination... ;) I would love to see this in printed-book-form! I don't know why you havn't heard from anyone yet. I don't think you need to edit that chapter at all. and i couldn't believe you claim 44,000 words! that's a mouthful, and definately paints more than 44 pictures! ;)

Madison said...

The reason I haven't heard from anyone is because I haven't sent the story off to an agency yet. I have to make it as perfect as I can before I can do that.
Nope, I didn't give away anything about revealing the location of the princess. It's no secret.
Believe it or not, 44,000 words is actually a little short for a novel (short is around 50K) but since it's YA I might have some breathing room. If they like the story enough it really won't matter.
Most of this part of the story is new, not even a week old. I'm glad you think it's so good that it doesn't need editing.