Sunday, August 31, 2008


Well, now The Ultimate Evil is up to 51K. Gosh, here I was thinking it would never get to 50K! Show's how wrong I can be!

I really don't know how much longer this tale is going to become. Like I said, I never thought it'd get this long. I guess it'll keep growing till it can't grow no more.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Dark Land no more

OK, Dark Land sticks out like a soar thumb in The Ultimate Evil, so Arvil is now king of Morlaya. Hope that sounds a little better.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Queries and Agents, Agents and Queries

Since The Ultimate Evil is so near completion, I have begun researching literary agents and writting draft query letters. If you think that's easy,'s not. Queries have to be as perfect as they can be, but there's no such thing as a perfect query letter. There are thousands of literary agents on the web, but only about half of them are not scam agents. I'm doing my research as best I can, but it's a slow process. But it's part of the job.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

BookEnds, LLC — A Literary Agency: The Futzing Stops Here

BookEnds, LLC — A Literary Agency: The Futzing Stops Here

50K MARK!!!!!!

I DID IT! The Ultimate Evil can is now at the 50K mark, the minimum for a YA novel! I thought I wasn't going to make it, but inspiration hit and I made it today! YEAH! Sooooooooo excited! [you can't tell, can you? :-)]

Monday, August 25, 2008


As promised, here it is.

Most don’t believe the legend of the Mirror’s Portal because they do not believe that the Mirror does or once did exist. But this legend is proven true when three boys from our world, Khanamaru, Takeshi Nakamura, and Usagi, are brought to the land of Kantour via the Mirror’s Portal, and learn that an evil warrior named Gaasu is threatening the peaceful land. The danger is so great that the princess has gone into hiding and no one knows where or who she is. The boys are told that no one in Kantour will dare fight Gaasu so they have been chosen for the task and they accept the challenge. Though they are warned that the task will be difficult and dangerous, no one could imagine just how difficult and dangerous it becomes.
With the help of three Dalmatians named Anaberu, Dekusutaa, and Dugan, a Clydesdale called Galan, and their mentor, Kurisutaru, the boys begin their training so that they will be ready to embark on this dangerous mission when the time comes. But when the city becomes too dangerous, the princess’ identity is revealed to the boys and they find that they have to escort Princess Sukaaretto to the country for safety. However, the tables turn when Gaasu ambushes them on the trail. When he disappears, it is quickly noticed that Kurisutaru is gone as well and the boys quickly figure out that it is not Sukaaretto, but Kurisutaru who is the Lost Princess of Kantour.

From this point, things seem to spiral out of control. The boys are sent back to our world only to discover that Gaasu has launched war. They don’t understand how Gaasu could come to our world—unless Kantour’s Whispered Secret is at least partially true.

Now begins a whirlwind of different events. The boys must search for dragons, steal a map, rescue Kurisutaru, and stop Gaasu. They believe that Gaasu is dead and they have succeeded until he uses the Mirror to exile them in our world. Now they have to find a way to get back to Kantour, but that way involves robbing the Masutomi Geology Museum in Kyoto. Once they’re back in Kantour they have to find Dekusutaa and Dugan and rescue Galan. From there they have to travel through the secret tunnels to get inside the Great Palace before the Crowing Day so that they can prevent Gaasu from crowning himself king. But Khanamaru, Takeshi, and Usagi have no idea that there is another villain besides Gaasu, and it is someone who they supposed to be dead, and someone they never supposed to be evil.

So, there's my manga synopsis. What do you think?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

My Manga

OK, so I've been lazy, haven't posted in four days. I apologize. To make up, I'm going to tell you about my manga.

Yes, I'm writing a manga. For those of you who don't know, a manga is an anime graphic novel. (Yeah, you can call me crazy, it's OK). It's called The Mirror's Portal Trilogy. Here are the book titles.

Book One: Escape Through the Portal

Book Two: Dragon Isle

Book Three: The Secret Tunnels

This is mainly for middle readers, written for three boys I know. I'm almost done formatting book one and once I'm done with the other two, I can start looking for an artist.

I'll post the synopsis tomorrow. Yes, I promise. :-)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Cleft Brothers

So, here's my entrant for the short story contest. The theme was music. Read and enjoy! (btw, first review got four stars! Yeah!)

The Cleft Brothers

Pianissimo was a small, peaceful land laden with open fields, forests, and many rivers. Everything in the land was soft and light, which made the inhabitants quiet and laid-back.
Well, almost everyone. The Cleft brothers were the only exception.

Treble and Bass were very spunky, loud, and short…standing only about three feet tall. They were also very young. Treble was the eldest at eighteen and Bass was only sixteen. This also meant that they were very immature—especially when it came to their thoughts on the Princesses.

Harmony and Melody were the two rulers of Pianissimo. They were beautiful fairy twins with long black hair and wings that looked similar to a Monarch butterfly’s. They were fine boned with pale skin and gentle dispositions. They were very patient, compassionate rulers, but their patience concerning the Cleft brothers was wearing out.

Nearly every day, Treble and Bass wrote beautiful symphonies, telling the Princesses of their love for them. Treble always wrote to Melody and Bass always wrote to Harmony. The sisters were tired of receiving these letters, which they never answered, and wished that the brothers would stop sending them. They had never met them in person—

—but that was about to change.

Treble and Cleft nearly flew up the stone steps that led to the front door of Clear Notes Castle. They had dressed in their finest, making sure they looked their best before they introduced themselves to the girls they loved.

There were no guards outside the castle door. Pianissimo was a peaceful land with no crime, so there was no need for any. The brothers walked up to the huge wooden doors and knocked in a rhythmic pattern. Only seconds later the door was opened by a chubby elf who was only slightly shorter than they were. His round face was merry and his blue eyes sparkled.

“Welcome! Welcome!” he said with a huge grin. “Come in! Come in!”

With an elegant sweeping gesture, he bid them inside the castle. After he closed the door he looked at the brothers and said, “Now, my boys, what can I do for you? Now, my boys, what can I do for you?”

Bass raised an eyebrow. “Why are you repeating everything that you say?”

The merry elf pointed to himself with his thumb. “Because that’s who I am. Because that’s who I am. I’m Repeat. I’m Repeat. Now, why have you come? Now, why have you come?”

“We wish to see the Princesses Harmony and Melody,” Treble told him.

“Ah, wonderful! Ah, wonderful! Our first visitors of the day! Our first visitors of the day! Please, this way, follow me! Please, this way, follow me!”

The jester cartwheeled and tumbled down the long corridor that led to the throne room. But before they entered, Repeat leaned in close and whispered, “I did not catch your names. I did not catch your names.”

“Treble and Bass Cleft,” Treble supplied.

Repeat nodded and opened the throne room doors. He walked in and bowed. “Your Highnesses, may I present the Cleft brothers, Treble and Bass. Your Highnesses, may I present the Cleft brothers, Treble and Bass.”

Repeat turned around and motioned for them to enter and when they did they saw Princesses Harmony and Melody sitting on their thrones, looking radiant in long, softly clinging white gowns. They also wore elegantly carved bands around their foreheads and certainly were the most beautiful creatures the Cleft brothers had ever seen.

“Thank you, Repeat, for showing them in,” Princess Melody said.

Repeat bowed. “Of course, Your Highness. Of course, Your Highness.” He left the room.
Once the jester had gone, looks of slight irritation appeared on the sisters’ faces. “You two are the Cleft brothers?” Harmony asked.

They bowed low. “Yes, Your Highness,” Bass said.

Melody’s eyes narrowed. “Then that means you are the two aggravating ones who keep sending us those love symphonies.”

They rose. “Yes,” Treble said. “Mine, composed only for the beautiful Princess Melody, are symphonies for the flute.” With this statement he reached under his shirt and produced a silver flute, which he immediately began to play.

“And mine,” Bass said, “are only for the compassionate Harmony, who, like myself, is a lover of the guitar.”

His instrument had been strapped to his back and now he brought it forth, plucking the strings, his fingers dancing over the fret board.

The two symphonies by themselves were truly works of art, but together the two were just a jumble of mixed-up notes, lacking melody and harmony. In the presence of the mistresses of these techniques it was highly insulting and the Princesses cried out at the noise in anger and annoyance.


Only seconds later, the Cleft brothers were literally tossed out of the castle, landing hard on the green grass.

Repeat poked his head out. “Sorry, it was the Princess’s command. Sorry, it was the Princess’s command.” He closed the door.

Treble sat up and rubbed his right shoulder. “That little elf is sure a lot stronger than he looks.”
Groaning as he got to his feet, Bass grumbled, “You can say that again.”

At that instant, laughter could be heard, laughter that was in perfect key and harmony. The brothers looked to their left and saw the Four Parts hovering in the air.

The Four Parts—Soprano, Alto, Tenor, and Baritone—were tiny wood nymphs that barely stood an inch tall. They had a soft yellowish glow about them and from a distance could easily be mistaken for fireflies.

“What are you laughing at?” Bass demanded, clearly showing his bad mood.

This statement only made the light laughter continue.

The Four Parts were not unknown to Treble and Bass. At one time, they had all been playmates, but whereas the Four Parts had matured, the Cleft brothers had not.

“Thrown out of the castle, eh kids?” Tenor asked with a smile. He wore a brown leaf kilt and his long blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail.

“Oh, you must have been bad boys,” Alto said, laughing. She had a very lean figure, short choppy brown hair, and wore yellow leaves.

“We just went in to see our girls,” Treble said meekly.

Baritone, a chubbier nymph who wore orange leaves, snorted. “Those fairies are the most beautiful creatures in the land. There is no way they would consider dating either one of you, ugly as you two are.”

“Hey!” Bass yelled.

“Oh, Baritone, hush your mouth,” Soprano said. She was the fattest of the four with red hair and wearing green leaves. She smiled at the brothers. “These two are just as cute as ever.”

The brothers beamed.

“So, what got the two of you kicked out of the castle?” Alto asked.

“Well, we began playing our symphonies for Melody and Harmony…” Treble began.

“Don’t tell me the two of you played them at the same time!” Tenor said, appalled.

Treble looked sheepish and scraped his booted foot against the ground. “Uh…we kinda did.”

“Oh no!” Baritone said, laughing, his belly jiggling. “You really insulted those girls. Harmony and Melody don’t like anything out of order, and what you two were doing certainly was. You just created Noise, and that is the one thing the princesses despise and the only thing they hate more so than Unison.”

“Oh, Baritone, what do you know?” Soprano complained. “You know that everyone here in Pianissimo fears Unison! I’d much rather hear Noise than face him!”

“I’m sick of this talk,” Bass said. He turned to his brother. “C’mon, Treble. Let’s go home and talk strategy on how to get our girls back.”

As they trotted down the trail, Tenor yelled after them, “How can you call them your girls when you haven’t even gotten them yet?”

The Four Parts laughed and flew back into the forest.


The land of Forte lay far beyond Pianissimo’s borders. These two lands were not on friendly terms. It was hard for the people of the two lands to get along because the natives of Pianissimo were quiet and laid-back whereas the inhabitants of Forte were loud and powerful. In this case, opposites did not attract.

Forte was ruled by Unison, a man who hated parts. He stood in his chamber, gazing into his crystal ball, in which he could see the two Princesses of Pianissimo: Harmony and Melody. He literally cringed as he thought their names…that was how much he despised variation in music.
Blessed with a keen ear in music, Unison could hear the harmonizing tones and soft pitches that came from Pianissimo, though that land was miles away. The sound made his very soul quiver.
Unison was tired of always hearing the lovely strands of musical harmony and melody coming from Pianissimo. He hated always having to hear the music from that land because no matter how much he tried, he could not block the notes from his mind.

Frustrated, his hate for Melody and Harmony growing, Unison made his way to his castle’s roof. Once there he called out at the top of his lungs and two great dragons, one green and the other white, came soaring across the country and landed on the castle roof in front of their master. Named for the sounds they made they were called Flat and Sharp.

“I have a task for you, my pets,” Unison said. “Fly to the land of Pianissimo and bring its Princesses, Harmony and Melody, to me!”

Nodding to indicate that they understood their orders, the magnificent dragons beat their wings and rose into the orange sky, immediately obeying their master’s order.


Sitting at their desks in their little cottage, Treble and Bass were each working on another symphony to send to Melody and Harmony. All was quiet and still…nothing unusual, until a loud note pierced the sky and it made the brothers cringe.

“Never heard anyone hit a flat note like that,” Bass commented.

Treble shrugged and they both went back to work, trying to shake of the uneasy feeling they both harbored. But when another screech pierced the air, this one sharp, and the sounds of terrified shouts could be heard, the brothers dropped their quill pins and rushed outside.
“Look up there!” Bass cried.

Treble followed his brother’s arm and saw a great white dragon soaring through the sky. “And over there,” he said, pointing towards the east. “A green one.”

“Why are we being plagued by dragons?” Bass asked, curious.

“You got me.”

For several moments, the dragons disappeared. Treble and Cleft stayed outside, gazing up at the sky, waiting to see if the dragons would return. When it seemed they wouldn’t they turned to go back in their cottage, but then a feminine scream was heard and they turned back around, seeing that the dragons had returned, this time each carrying something in their large paws.

Bass put up his hand to help block out the sun, trying to see better. “What do they have?”

“I can’t tell.”

The dragons flew off in the distance. “What was that all about?”

“I have no idea.”

Suddenly, Repeat came running down the dirt path, his hands high in the air. “Oh, it’s terrible! Oh, it’s terrible!”

“What’s the matter, Repeat?” Treble asked.

“The dragons took the Princesses! The dragons took the Princesses!”

Bass’s eyes grew wide. “You can’t be serious!”

“Of course I am! Of course I am! You can go to Clear Notes Castle and see for yourselves! You can go to Clear Notes Castle and see for yourselves!”

At that moment, the Four Parts appeared. “Have you heard?” Alto asked. “Melody and Harmony are gone!”

Baritone snorted. “You idiot. You see Repeat’s here. Of course they know!”

“Calm down, Baritone,” Tenor said. “The main thing now is to find the Princesses. Without harmony and melody, which is what the Princesses are the mistresses of, the quiet peaceful notes of Pianissimo will become distorted. And if that happens, the land that we know and love will no longer exist.”

“Did anyone see which direction the dragons took?” Soprano asked.

“Towards Forte they went! Towards Forte they went!”

“Forte…” Alto’s voice was quiet.

“Oh no,” Tenor said. “That can only mean one thing.”

Soprano nodded solemnly. “Unison.”

“Unison?” the Cleft brothers repeated.

“Yes! Yes!” Repeat said, clearly agitated. “Unison hates harmony and melody. Unison hates harmony and melody.”

“And with his keen ear in music,” Baritone said, “he can hear the harmonious strands vibrating through our land, even though his domain is miles and miles away.”

“Someone must save the Princesses and bring them back to Pianissimo,” Alto said. “But who?”

Treble and Bass looked at each other. Knowing what the other was thinking they threw their fists in the air and shouted, “We will!”

“Let’s make for Forte!” Treble shouted.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there!” Baritone said. “You boys have no idea what you’re about to get into.”

“Right he is. Right he is.”

“It’s a long road to Forte,” Soprano told them. “You will have to walk the Measured Steps, which are rumored to be very difficult to cross, and before you can enter Forte you will have to Hit The Right Notes. And, to top it off, you will have to defeat Unison before you can rescue Harmony and Melody.”

Tenor held his hand in his chin. “You will need some help.”

“Great!” Bass said. “Four Parts, welcome to the team!”

“Hold on, now!” Baritone exclaimed. “Since when did we volunteer?”

“Baritone, shut up,” Alto said. “We’ve known Treble and Bass since we were kids. If they need our help, we should be willing to give it to them. Isn’t that right, Tenor and Soprano?”
“Of course!” Tenor said with a grin.

“Uh…yeah, I guess,” Soprano said, looking very much like she was not looking forward to the next few days.

“Great!” Treble said. “Repeat, you coming too?”

“No, I must stay at the castle. No, I must stay at the castle. I will help to calm the people’s fright. I will help to calm the people’s fright.”

Bass shrugged. “All right. Well then, what are we waiting for? Let’s go!”


With the Four Parts fluttering behind them, Treble and Bass trudged through the forests of Pianissimo till they reached the border of their land. But at the border, they stopped.

“Goodness,” Alto said. “I didn’t think we’d have to cross the Measured Steps so soon.”

Stretching before them, leading up as far as the eye could see, was a staircase that was made of sheet music.

“How are we supposed to cross this?” Treble asked. “Something tells me that there’s a trick to it.”

“Look!” Soprano cried, pointing at the stair’s base. “See what’s printed down there?”

The brothers looked down and saw a 3 printed just above a 4. Bass snapped his fingers, knowing what it meant. “Three-four time. We have to climb up three beats to the measure.”

“But how long is the measure?”

Tenor flew ahead and gazed down at the stairs. “The measure breaks after the fourth stair. You have to climb four stairs to the count of three.”

“I hope you two are good at counting,” Alto said with a giggle.

Treble snorted. “Of course we are! We write symphonies every day, don’t we?”

They began their long climb. “Watch the stairs,” Soprano warned. “The beats and measures might change. If they do, you will have to compensate quickly because if you don’t, this stairway will not lead to Forte, but just become a never-ending road to nowhere.”

Soprano’s speculation turned out to be true. Soon it changed to four-four time, then six-eight time, and then twelve-eight time.

Huffing, trying to keep count, Treble said, “I think… something’s wrong. I think…this stairway is… never-ending.”

“No, it’s not!” Tenor exclaimed. “I can see the end!”

“Good,” Bass said, for he hated the burning in his leg muscles.

When they came to the top of the stairs a great wall of notes stood in front of them, extending in all directions, blocking their way.

“Now what do we do?”

“Simple,” Baritone said. “You have to Hit The Right Notes.”

Alto looked at the wall in dismay. “But how are we to know which notes are right and which are wrong? We can’t just guess.”

“Wait!” Bass snapped, holding up his hand. “Be quiet and listen.”

He was obeyed and every pair of ears could hear several instruments, in unison, playing the same notes over and over again.

“That’s our key,” Bass said. “Now we have to figure out what notes they are playing and hit the right ones on the wall in the proper order. Treble, you know notes better than I do. What are they playing?”

Treble closed his eyes as the invisible instruments played the bar again. “B flat, A, D sharp, C, F, A flat.”

“Four Parts, this is where you come in! Find those notes and hit them in the right order! Don’t mess up because we don’t know what will happen if we do.”

“Right,” Tenor said with a salute and the Four Parts took off. Within ten seconds they hit the correct notes on the wall and in the right order.

“Good job!” Treble praised them.

But the wall didn’t come down. “What’s wrong?” Baritone asked.

“Another strand’s being played! Treble, what are the notes?”

A few seconds passed. “D, F, C flat, B sharp, A, A sharp, B flat, D sharp.”


Again, the Four Parts took off. “Hitting D,” Alto said.

“Now F,” Tenor shouted.

“Now hitting B sharp,” Baritone said.

“Don’t do that, you fool!” Soprano cried. “C flat comes before B sharp.”

“No it doesn’t!”

“D, F, C flat, B sharp, A, A sharp, B flat, D sharp,” Treble shouted again.

Muttering, Baritone waited for Soprano to hit C flat before he smacked B sharp.

The rest of the notes were hit in the right order without anymore confusion, but still the wall didn’t come down. “Now what?” Soprano called.

“Another set!” Treble said. He drew his eyebrows together. “Strange. This time it’s just the note B being repeated six times.”

“And B is right here!” Alto shouted. “Stand back, everyone, the wall is coming down!”

She hit the note six times but still the wall did not come down. “Another set?” she asked.

“No,” Bass said. “The notes just keep repeating themselves.”

Treble smacked his forehead. “How could I be so stupid? This time it’s not the note that matters, but the length. Four Parts, whole note, half note, dotted quarter note, eighth note, whole note!”
Once again, the Four Parts hovered into motion and hit the notes in sequence and this time, the wall came crumbling down and for the first time in their lives the six companions laid eyes on the land of Forte.


Forte was a land that was covered in ash and had a permanent orange sky. The strands of music heard in this land were loud and powerful. It was very strange and frightening for the Pianissimo natives.

“Look,” Tenor said nervously, pointing to the east. “There’s Unison’s castle. The Princesses will be there.”

Treble licked his dry lips. “Let’s go.”

Slowly, they made their way to the castle. The people of Forte…goblins, wolves, and vultures…paid them no mind as they passed through. It brought both relief and fear.

They reached the castle and walked into the great hall. Standing the in middle of the huge room was a tall man in blood red robes with black hair and pointed teeth.


He spread his arms before them. “Welcome to my humble home,” he said, his voice deep. “What can I do for you?”

“You can release Melody and Harmony!” Bass shouted.

Unison threw back his head and laughed. “Idiot. Do you really think I would release them to you? They are the mistresses of harmony and melody, the two things I hate most in the entire world. Already the balance of music from your land had begun to unravel. I’ve never heard tones that sounded better.”

Tenor sped to hover between Treble and Bass. “Hurry,” he whispered. “Play your music. Only the by the strands of musical harmony can you defeat him!”

Treble whipped out his silver flute and Bass brought around his guitar. Immediately they began to play, but something was wrong.

It was their music. They could not play in harmony. No matter how they tried, no matter what notes they hit, the flute and guitar were in perfect unison.

“Ha ha ha!” Unison laughed triumphantly. “No matter what you play, it will be the same!”

“What are we waiting for?” Soprano asked the other Parts. “Let’s hit it!”

But the same thing happened to them. No matter how hard they tried, the Four Parts sang in perfect unison.

Again Unison’s laugher echoed through the halls. You cannot defeat the power of my uniting spell!”

Treble, Bass, and the Four Parts did not know what to do. No matter how they tried, voices and instruments hit the same notes with absolutely no blending or harmony.

“It’s useless!” Bass cried.

Suddenly, the Princesses of Pianissimo, Harmony and Melody, flew into the hall. At the sight of them the look of triumph fled from Unison’s features.

Baritone’s mouth dropped. “How…”

Harmony smiled. “Unison is making the notes you sing and play the exact same pitch and tone. However, all of you are thinking the correct notes and pitches.”

“In your thoughts there is harmony and melody. This broke Unison’s binding spell on us and set us free.”

The six companions had stopped their boring music. “So… this is it?” Treble asked.

“No!” Unison cried. “No, I am not defeated yet!”

He thrust his arms out wide. At that moment there was a sound of music so horrible it could only be defined as a horrible screech. Outside, Flat and Sharp’s screeches could be heard. All from Pianissimo covered their ears and fell to their knees at the offending Noise.

“What do we do?!” Bass cried.

“Play!” the Princesses demanded.


“Trust us!”

The Cleft brothers tore their hands away from their ears and began to play their music, which was still coming out in boring unison.


As she said this, the mistress of harmony shot out her hand. Strands of music flowed from her fingertips and to the instruments that Treble and Bass were playing. Instantly, they were able to play different pitches and it made Unison cringe. Though outside the castle, Flat and Sharp could hear the music and it made them screech in agony.


The mistress of melody shot out her hand and strands of music flowed from her own fingertips, but this strand went to the Four Parts. “Now sing. Sing!”

Baritone and Tenor opened their mouths and beautiful music came from their vocal cords. Alto did as well.

Bass grinned. “And it ain’t over till the fat nymph sings!”

Once the words escaped his lips, Soprano sang a pure note. The Four Parts blended in perfect harmony. The singing and instruments made the most beautiful music Forte had ever heard, which meant that all the inhabitants despised it, yet there was nowhere they could run to escape it.

Unison could not stand the harmony and melody of the music that surrounded him. He began to disappear, crying, “No! No! Noooooooooooo!”

Unison disappeared completely and was defeated.


Back at Clear Notes Castle, the Princesses Harmony and Melody were sitting once again on their thrones, exactly where they belonged. Treble, Bass, and the Four Parts stood before them.

“The six of you were willing to risk your lives to help us,” Harmony said with a gentle smile. “You all possess a rare courage that deserves to be rewarded.”

“In all actuality, Your Highnesses,” Alto said with a bow, “it was Treble and Bass who wished to save you. My brothers, sister, and I merely tagged along to lend what assistance we could.”
“This is true, Your Highnesses,” Tenor said.

“So, what are you saying?” Melody asked. “That you should not be rewarded?”

Baritone nodded. “No one was willing to go to Forte and face Unison until these two brats, who lack common sense, decided that they would go traipsing off into the unknown.”

Soprano smiled. “So, Your Highnesses, the reward must go to Treble and Bass Cleft.”

Harmony nodded. “If that is indeed what you wish. Repeat!”

He entered the throne room immediately. “Yes? Yes?”

“Please see the Four Parts out.”

He bowed. “As you wish, my lady. As you wish, my lady.”

When they were gone, the Princesses focused their gaze on the Cleft brothers. “It was a brave thing you did,” Melody said.

Treble bowed. “There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, sweet Melody.”

“And I claim the same, perfect Harmony.”

The sisters exchanged grins. “As was stated earlier,” Harmony said, “such bravery cannot go without a reward. What is it the two of you wish?”

The brothers exchanged knowing smiles. They knew exactly what they were going to ask of the Princesses. Beaming, they looked back at them.

“A date!”

Once again the Cleft brothers found themselves tossed out of Clear Notes Castle by the merry jester. Repeat then threw two dates at them. Looking at them, Treble and Bass stuck their tongues out at him as, laughing, Repeat closed the door.

Yes, life had returned to normal in Pianissimo.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Word Count and Contest

So, The Ultimate Evil is now up to 47K. (groans) Is it ever going to get up to 50K? I'm beginning to think not. On the bright side, if this were in book form, it would be about 200 pages. That's cool, right? :-)

I'm also going to enter the August 2008 monthly competition on You don't get anything for it 'cause it's just a little nothing contest, but it's fun! Wish me luck!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Getting Published?

So...I might be getting published before I even finish the edits on The Ultimate Evil. I'll let y'all in on the details when I get all of them.

Later! (and cross your fingers for me!)

Saturday, August 16, 2008

46K (And Hopefully Growing)

Yesterday I added 1,000 more words to The Ultimate Evil. And I became depressed because I found out that YA novels tend to be 50K-120K, and fantasy tends to be longer! But there seems to be a trend in the publishing industry right now and that is thinner books are hitting the shelves. Maybe that spells good news for me. :-)

I also found out that I might not have trouble writing a good query letter to a literary agent. Good news? Actually, it's bad! It's getting harder and harder to get your foot in the door. I found out that people are beginning to write better query letters, which means my story has to jump off the page even more to even have a chance at getting published. But that's a ways off. The only thing I can do is try to stay on top of the industry and know the ends and outs to help further my chances.

By the way, I found out that, if a publisher buys my story, I could get paid anywhere from $3,000-$6,000 with 6%-10% royalties. How's that for encouragement?

Friday, August 15, 2008

A Little More To Read

The Ultimate Evil is now about 45,000 words. Yeah, I'm getting closer to the 50K mark! Don't know if I'll make it though...

Added two more sections to the story last night, maybe I'll post those a little later. But right now, I want to raise some suspense. So, this is really short, but I hope you enjoy it!

Only moments later, Taon entered. Aduan could see that he was agitated. “Are you sure what you are doing is wise, Your Highness?”

She smiled and gave a small shrug. “I’m not sure.”

“Then do you realize what you are risking? Favor with the Royal Court and staff, your people, allies. Even your throne is at stake here. If the Validor Council votes to rob you of your throne, no amount of protest from me will help.”

“I understand completely, Taon,” she told him. “You have always told me to trust your judgment. Now I’m telling you the same thing. In fact, you were the one who told me that a princess needs to know when to give trust. So. . . trust me.” She left the room. Taon looked out the window.

“I don’t know if I can.”

Copyright 2008 by Madison Hood

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Part of Chapter 4

Yet another part from the story, this one from Chapter 4: The Island of Gelnar.

It was summer in Validor, so when Aduan walked outside in a long-sleeved dress, she was very hot and it made her angry at Taon.

“Why did you want me to dress like this?” she demanded.

“Because it is chilly on the sea,” he told her.

She looked at him, startled. “The sea?”

“Yes,” he said. “We are going to Gelnar.”

Aduan frowned. “But it will take an eternity to get there!” she complained.

“Only about a week, Your Highness,” he told her. “The ship is fully provisioned and I have readied the crew and those who will tend to you. Your bags have been loaded into the carriage. Are you ready to leave?”

Knowing she had no choice but to go, Aduan nodded. Taon helped her into the carriage then mounted his own steed, and they rode off toward the Northern Sea.

By the time they reached the ship, night had fallen. Aduan was so tired that she didn’t even meet the captain. She ordered Taon to show her to her room.

When Aduan awoke the next day, she drew a shawl over her shoulders and stepped out onto the deck. She looked in all directions, but no matter where she turned, she could not see Validor.

“G’ mornin’ Yer Highness,” a loud voice said. Aduan turned to see a tall dark skinned man dressed in the garb of a sailor.

“Who are you?” she asked as he bowed.
He rose. “I’m Cap’ain Kura.”

“Charmed,” she said, holding out her hand. The captain obediently took her hand and kissed her fingers with a grace she would never have thought him capable.

“Ah, I see you have met our captain,” came Taon’s voice from behind. He walked up and stood beside the princess. “How are we doing, Captain?”

“Splendidly, suh,” he said. “The ship’s makin’ good time—be’er than I had expected. If it keeps up like this, we’ll reach Gelnar in ‘bout seven days.”

“Good,” Taon said. “Now, if you will excuse us. . .?”

“Of course, suh,” Kura said. He bowed and left.

“Why are we not sailing with the Royal Fleet?” Aduan demanded of Taon.

“Those who serve on the Royal Fleet get paid whether they are working or not. Our people need money, so I hired some good sailors to take us to Gelnar.”The princess’s temper flared. “Without consulting me?”

“You must learn what things call for heated discussion and things that do not. This does not call for it, because no matter what, the situation cannot be changed.”

Aduan surrendered. “Very well. But you might explain to me why we are sailing to Gelnar. It is the land of the centaurs, is it not?”

“Yes,” he told her. “As for the reason why we are sailing there, I will not tell you. You will, hopefully, get more out of it when you see it for yourself.”

Aduan laughed. “How can looking at an island bring me anything?”

“You’ll see,” Taon said and went below.

For the entire trip, Aduan tried hard to persuade Taon to tell her why they were sailing to Gelnar, but he would not yield. The crew claimed to not know why they were sailing to the island, but the princess could see in their eyes that they did know and were under orders not to tell her. Finally, after many days, she heard a sailor shout, “Land ho!” Excited and relieved, she pulled a heavy cloak on over her long dress and climbed up to the deck. She went to the starboard railing where Taon and Captain Kura were standing, and looked at the sight they were beholding.

It was the island of Gelnar. But instead of the green lush land that Aduan had envisioned, she saw a land that had been burned. Grey ash covered the ground, burnt twigs stood in place of tall trees, and a thick layer of black smoke lingered over the land.

Aduan looked at Taon. His mouth and jaw were firm. She had known this man nearly all her life and knew that no matter what she said to him, she would get no response. A young sailor came up to say that the boat was ready.

“You sure you want to do this, suh?” Kura cautiously asked Taon.

He nodded and motioned for Aduan to follow him. They climbed down the ladder and into the small boat. The line was cast and the princess realized that only they were going ashore.
Taon rowed the boat to shore. The entire time they were completely silent—not one word passed between them. It was only when they touched shore and got out of boat that Aduan spoke. “I think now you can tell me why you brought me here.”

“Let’s walk for a moment before I explain, Your Highness,” he said.

She gave no argument and walked behind him on what used to be a frequently used road. What used to be structures now lay in ruins on both sides of the road. There were also several carcasses littering the way, sometimes blocking their path and they had to step over them. Aduan wanted to vomit at the sight and smell, but she managed to fight the feeling down.
Taon stopped to gaze down at a carcass of a young male centaur, no more than eighteen. He had been impaled through the heart. Aduan looked up and saw the extreme sadness in the vizier’s eyes. “What caused all this?” she asked.

“Arvil,” he said.

“Why would he do this?”

Taon opened his mouth to answer, but a feminine voice called out, “Who’s there?”

“Friends,” he called, looking around to see where the voice had come from.

Slowly, a centauress walked forward, emerging from the smoke. She carried a long bladed staff, holding it as if she were about to strike. Her hair, which grew only on the right side of her head and down to her shoulder, was tri-colored with blonde, light and dark brown in thick chunks, and the same hair color and pattern was in her tail. Her skin was pale and her coat was a rich chestnut. She wore a tattered sleeveless shirt that fit very close to her body. She was covered in dirt and ash, but it hid nothing of her beauty. “Who are you and where are you from?” she demanded.

“I am Taon and this is Aduan,” he said. “We are from Validor.”

Upon hearing who they were, the centauress relaxed and lowered her staff. Her beautiful blue eyes no longer held determination, but extreme sadness, guilt, anger, and depression. Aduan had never seen anything that profound in a person and it shocked her. “Who are you?” she asked.

“I am Irsa,” she said. “I am. . .was. . .the leader of my people. Why have you come here?”

“As you know,” Taon said, “our land borders Dark Land. The part of our land that is near Arvil’s terrain is dying.”

“He’s preparing his attack,” Irsa said.

“What attack?” Aduan nearly shouted, frustrated at all this talk about Arvil and war. “If he hasn’t attacked by now, he never will!”

The centauress looked at her. “You’re Princess Aduan, aren’t you?”

She nodded.

“I thought as much. I once thought along similar lines as you do.”

“ ‘Once?’ What happened?”

Irsa stared at her, shocked. “So, the rumors I’ve heard about you are true. You really don’t know what’s happening in the world around you.”

“Perhaps you should tell her what happened,” Taon said. “I’m sure you can elaborate better than I.”

Irsa swallowed and looked back at Aduan. Though both the humans would hear her story, it was mainly meant for the princess. “Unlike you, Princess Aduan, I knew that Arvil would one day attack all the lands of the world so that he could conquer and rule over all. Like you, I underestimated him.

“I had the idea that if someone attacked Arvil secretly, they might catch him off-guard and defeat him, thus being the heroes to everyone else in the world. So, very quietly, I began to train my massive army. What we were doing was so secret, not even their families knew what was going on.

“Finally, the day came. We sailed for Dark Land, sure that we would surprise Arvil and his followers, certain that we would win. But we were wrong. Before we touched shore, we noticed that several humans, Excadians, and Unicorns were lined up, waiting for us. It was then I learned that you can’t do anything without Arvil’s knowledge. He has spies lurking everywhere. . .birds, insects, and even the wind.

“Though I was horrified at seeing Arvil’s army waiting for us, I realized that the amount of soldiers he had couldn’t be any more than what I had. In fact, it was probably less. I, and the rest of those under my command, felt sure that we would defeat this army. The moment we touched shore I sprang forth, shouting my battle cry. The rest of my band flew into battle. It was the most horrendous and bloody fight I have ever witnessed. Within fifteen minutes, three quarters of my band was slaughtered and barely ten Dark Ones had fallen. I ordered an immediate retreat. The Dark Ones did not follow.”

Aduan was confused. “But what happened here?”

“Ah,” she said. “The most traumatic part of my tale. We came home defeated, thinking that our battle with Arvil was done. For three days we lived as we had before. Then a dark fog settled over Gelnar. No one knew or even suspected what would happen next.” She paused to take a breath and when she spoke again, her voice was filled with hate, anger, and a touch of sadness. “It was Arvil! Arvil himself came to Gelnar! Though not one of us had seen him before, we all knew it was he. No other Unicorn’s coat is so dark, no other’s eyes are so evil. We were defenseless—even with our weapons. They had no effect on him, even though silver blood poured from his body. Most of us were too frightened to do anything except shiver and weep in fear, crying out for mercy, which of course he didn’t give. As he roamed the land, killing and destroying all that he saw, he smiled. And it wasn’t just the men he killed. Oh no, he killed women too. And the younglings—” She broke off, tears filling her eyes. “As he slaughtered the younglings, he laughed. He laughed as he slaughtered our innocent! It was the most terrifying thing I have ever had to witness.

“At last, only I remained. I was prepared to die with the rest of my race, and Arvil saw it. His twisted lips turned up in an evil grin and. . .” She shuddered. “. . .I will never forget what he said to me as long as I live.”

“What did he say?” Taon asked.

Irsa looked at him. “ ‘I leave you with a fate worse than death.’ ”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Aduan asked.

“Our race has a high sense of honor,” Irsa explained. “I led my people to death and destruction because of my ambition and idiocy. The only way I could regain my honor was to die in battle or perform a ritual suicide.”

“But I still don’t understand what it means,” the princess said.

Sighing loudly in frustration, Irsa quickly scooped a dagger that lay on the ground and plunged it with all her strength into her gut. Aduan shrieked as she jumped back and Taon blinked several times and his jaw went slack with disbelief. They stood waiting for Irsa to collapse. She had given herself a killing blow, but her respiration wasn’t elevated or labored. She pulled the dagger out and blood flowed out of the wound, but she did not grow dizzy. “This is what I mean!” she yelled. “I’m being forced to live in shame and without honor as the last survivor of my race!” Tears streamed down her face and as they did, her wound healed itself before their eyes. “If we had just stayed on Gelnar, none of this would have happened!”

“You can’t say that,” Taon said comfortingly. “Arvil may still have chosen to attack your people.”
“Perhaps,” she said, but her eyes were doubtful.

For a moment, no one said anything. Finally, Taon broke the silence. “Irsa, why don’t you come back with us? There is no reason for you to remain on Gelnar.”

“Actually, there is,” the centauress said. “The island has been burning for ten days. There is nothing left here so I tried to leave. For some reason, not matter how much I want to force myself, I cannot go near the water. I believe it is Arvil’s doing.” Solemnly, she lowered her head. “I deserve this fate for what I have done to my people. But I will walk both of you back to the boat, though there is no longer anything to fear.”

They walked in silence. Aduan wasted no time in getting into the boat for she wanted nothing more than to leave this awful place. Hesitating, Taon turned back to where Irsa stood on the edge of the beach. “Can you really not come with us?”

“Look, I’ll show you,” she said. Irsa walked towards the sea and both Taon and Aduan watched her, expecting her to suddenly stop walking and say that there was no way she could take another step forward. But surprise filled her face as she approached the water. She increased her speed and cantered into the ocean. She looked back at the humans, smiling, laughing, and crying at the same time. Apparently, her time on Gelnar as a prisoner was at an end, so she climbed into the boat with Aduan and Taon.


Later that night in her cabin, Irsa lay curled up on the floor, happy for the first time in weeks. She had been able to escape her prison and Taon had told her that she could regain her honor by fighting in the Validor army.

You escaped only because I let you.

Irsa started, her heart racing. She knew that voice, the deep tones filled with evil that haunted her in her nightmares. “Arvil!” she shouted, trembling in fear.

Yes, it is I.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, which made Irsa cry out.

“Ma’am, are you all right?”

Irsa rose and walked with shaking legs to the door. She placed her hand on the knob, took a deep breath, and opened it. A young seaman stood in the doorway.

“Are you all right, ma’am? I heard you cry out and…”

She managed to smile pleasantly at him. “I’m fine. I was simply reliving a nightmare.”

“Oh,” he said. “Can I get you anything?”

“No, thank you.”

“Well, then, good night.”

“Yes, good night,” she said and closed the door, sagging against it.

Very clever.

Arvil! she thought. How can you talk to me through my mind? Telepathy?

Call it whatever you can easily comprehend.

All right. What do you want?

He chuckled. What I want I have already gotten.

You mean killing my people?

No, he purred. A spy who can live within the castle walls in Validor. A spy who can report back to me all that transpires.

You’ve placed one of your fiends in the castle while Aduan and Taon are gone?!

No. You are my spy.


Arvil laughed. It is useless to resist me, for there is no way you can stop me.

I can try! You won’t destroy my will that easily!

Oh no? he asked, laughing. Whether you want it to be or not, Irsa, it is already in my control. You are now my slave, always to do as I bid.

No! Irsa began to tremble. She was Arvil’s slave? Could it be true?

Yes, of course it’s true. I do not lie, Irsa.

I must tell Aduan, she thought, hoping Arvil wouldn’t hear. But it was obvious that he did.

Oh, Irsa, you of all creatures should never underestimate me!

The centauress began to weep as Arvil started to laugh, taking pleasure from the distress he knew she felt. Though Aduan was not a capable ruler, Taon was a person she could respect, and now she would be forced to work as Arvil’s spy. He made it clear that she would not—could not—tell anyone that she was under his spell, and Irsa knew that nothing in the universe could save her from this terrible and immensely shameful fate.

Copyright 2008 by Madison Hood

You know the drill! :-)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Part of Chapter 11

Here's part of Chapter 11 from The Ultimate Evil. It's another section with Arvil and I hope he sounds as terrifying as I want him to.

When Taon and Garthon reached the top of Black Peak Mountain, they faced the enormous doors to Dark Castle. They opened before them and the horse walked in.

There were several men, Unicorns, and Excadians in the main hall. All watched as Garthon dismounted and pulled Taon off the horse. A man came up and took the steed’s reins.

Suddenly, everyone fell to one knee, head bowed. Taon looked to see Arvil standing in the room. The Dark One King held his head high as he walked through the room, his hard hooves making sharp clicking sounds on the stone floor. He strode right up to Taon. “Do you not know how to kneel?”

He nearly shivered as the Dark One spoke. Arvil’s breath smelled like strong sulfur and it made him want to cringe. But he set his eyes with determination and said, “I do not bow before the one I do not serve.”

Arvil began to chuckle. “Taon,” he said as he began to walk behind him. “As long as you are here, you will always kneel. . .!” When he said this he kicked out with his hind leg and hit Taon in the back. With a grunt, the knight fell forward. “. . .in my presence.”

Gasping in pain, Taon struggled to his feet and looked at Arvil. Blood trickled down his chin from a split lip. “And…what will happen… if I refuse?”

Arvil rushed forward and slammed his shoulder into his chest. Taon went down again, the wind knocked out of him. “If you refuse, then I shall destroy Aduan now.”

“Ha!” Taon’s voice was triumphant and he spit blood out of his mouth. He forced himself to stand again on shaking legs. “That threat holds nothing. You don’t know where the princess is!”

“Oh, but I do,” Arvil purred. He walked forward and held his face next to Taon’s. “I do. As we speak she is in Excadious. She is waiting for an audience with King Lemar to discuss with him the possibility of unification between the Validor, Excadian, and Shaldothe armies.” The Dark One pulled back, taking satisfaction from the shock and dismay on the knight’s face. “Now, the question is, will you kneel in my presence or further risk your princess’s safety?”

Taon had no choice. He knelt before the Dark One King, cringing as Arvil’s triumphant laugh echoed through the castle.


Once Taon had been taken to the dungeon, all who were in the hall departed, except for Arvil and Garthon.

“Where did you find Taon?” the King wanted to know.

“In the Mountains of Validor, near the Excadian border,” he promptly answered.

“I see,” he said and the brute did not like the look he saw in his master’s eye. “And, um, was anyone with him?”

“Yes. A young woman.”

“Indeed?” he said, nodding his head. “Did she have long auburn hair?”

“Auburn, yes. But it was not long.”

Arvil stepped closer. “Who was she?”

Feeling suddenly nervous, Garthon swallowed, hoping the Unicorn wouldn’t see that he had begun to sweat. “She. . .”

“Yessss?” Arvil hissed as a snake would, sending out a serpent tongue that tickled the brute’s cheek.

Garthon straightened his shoulders. “She was a knight in the Validor Army.” He forced himself to laugh. “The fools are recruiting women, making their band all the more pitiful.”

Arvil laughed. “Dear Garthon, you misunderstood me. What I meant was. . .what was her name?” His voice had lowered dangerously. It was so strange to see such a tall, strong, brute of a man tremble in paranoid fear. Arvil loved it.

“I. . .I don’t know, sire,” he admitted.

“You don’t know.” The Dark One King’s voice was low and threatening. His eyes hardened, became red, and he exploded, “You FOOL!”

Hurricane force winds blew from Arvil’s mouth as he shouted the last word and the echo of his cry could be heard through all of Dark Land. Garthon, helpless against the power, was thrown against the hard stone wall.

The shape-shifting Unicorn’s mane and tail was whipped relentlessly by the wind that did not cease or slow. Multiple bolts of lightning cracked across the room. His terrified eyes locked with his master’s, Garthon began to wonder if Arvil truly was a demon from Hell.

“That was the princess!” Arvil shouted, his voice deeper and more terrifying than it had ever been before.

“My liege, I swear I did not know!” he cried, holding his hands up.

But Arvil ignored the obvious plea for mercy. He reared and whipped around and, as he did, Garthon flew through the air to be slammed against the opposite wall.

“IDIOT!” Arvil cried. “IMBECILE!”

The winds ceased and Garthon dropped to the ground like a deadweight, groaning in pain. Arvil galloped over and slammed his front hooves outside the brute’s ears and he cringed at the echo.
Arvil stared down at his prey, taking deep, heaving breaths, smoke erupting from his nostrils.

Garthon’s eyes were wide with genuine fear. “Are you going to kill me?” His voice trembled.
Arvil lowered his head, holding it close to Garthon’s. “Oh, I am sorely tempted. If only I didn’t need you to lead my armies. . .” As he spoke he grazed his horn against the brute’s chest, feeling him tremble. He locked eyes with him. “But mark my words, Garthon. One more mistake. . .and your life will be over.” With an angry snort, he galloped out of the hall.

Copyright 2008 by Madison Hood

Well, what you y'all think?

My Crappy Night

So...I didn't get in bed till after 2 AM, didn't fall asleep till after 3 and woke up before five with a bad tooth ache because of the rain. I can't go back to sleep so here I am poking on my blog at 6:03 AM. I am going to be a zombie for the rest of the day.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

More Info On "Evil"

The Ultimate Evil is approximately 44,000 words. It has nineteen chapters with many plot twists. Once it comes back from my editor I will apply his changes then send it to a literary agency in hopes for publication. When I'm ready to send my query, I'm going to post it and you will have to help me and tell me what you think, so that we can make it the best we can! I really appreciate all the help that everyone gives me!

What's New?

So, things have changed since yesterday. What's new? Well, if you are a member of, you have access to chapter two of The Ultimate Evil. Also you can subscribe to my blog and get updates on every time I post or someone comments. You can also see upcoming fantasy novels. You will see the date of release and how many days are left in the countdown (if any!)


Monday, August 11, 2008

Gonna Go Read

So, I'm sitting here, picking on the Net, eating my yogurt. There's no one but me, my cats, and dozens of books to read. Maybe I should get off here and read one. Yep, that's what I'll do. I'll read some more in The Hobbit. See y'all later!

Links Added!

I just added links to some of my fav websites! You can find them on the left side of my blog. Here's what they are: is a fantasy and sci-fi art website that I love to visit in order to study art and for a little bit of inpiration every now and then. There's also many stories there. Lots of good talent is lurking in the forests of Elfwood! is another fantasy and sci-fi art website that says it displays only the best and you can believe it! The artwork there is amazing! How could I not put this up here? I LOVE FB! What can I say? It's a lifesaver! Every good Trekkie loves this website. I'm not sure if it's gonna last though...we'll see.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

You Might Want A Synopsis

There are people who write because they want to. I write because I have to. It’s encoded in my DNA.

Writing is something I have done since I was six years old, but it wasn’t until I turned eight that I started writing fantasy. That was actually when the beginnings of The Ultimate Evil were laid.
When I was eight, I had an idea for a series where all the characters were Unicorns and the evil Unicorn was the ruler of the Dark Ones and his name was Arvil. I actually got the name from looking in the phone book! I also have a cousin named Arvil, but he is far from the ultimate evil. :-)

Anyway, I realized that my all Unicorn tale wasn’t going to work, so I dropped it. But I always knew that I wanted to work with Arvil. So when I put him in a story with a snooty princess and the last elf, I changed him and made him into a shape-shifter. (Just so you know, in case you look for him, the elf got dropped.)

I probably ought to post a short synopsis of the story, that way you at least know what is going on. Please remember that this story is complete and that any reproduction whatsoever without the author’s consent is a violation of the copyright.

Arvil has been preparing his armies for three centuries and is now ready to launch his war against the world. It is a dangerous and fearful time, but it is most troubling for the country of Validor, the only land to border Arvil’s dark domain. Validor’s princess, Aduan, is an ignorant and conceded teenager who does not even believe that Arvil exists. She refuses to prepare Validor for war because she is blind to the threat that is on her very doorstep and the complication of recent death of her father has left Validor completely vulnerable to the near and ever-growing evil. The Council gives Taon, the royal vizier, only one month to teach Aduan all she needs to know about being an effective and capable ruler but if she cannot succeed within that amount of time, the princess will loose her right to the throne. Will Aduan learn to care about her people rather than herself and become the strong leader her country needs? Will she loose her crown? But the most burning question is this: even if Aduan does achieve the impossible how can the ultimate evil be destroyed when he doesn’t die, even when his heart is pierced?

If this were on the back of a book or inside the jacket, would you want to read it? Let me know.
See ya later!

Hello Everyone!

Hey, guys! I have just created my very first blog! I'm really excited about it and in this first post I am going to tell you just what this blog is about.
As my domain name states, I love to write. What do I love to write? Right now (and probably forever) I write fantasy and sci-fi stories for YA readers (literary slang for young adults.) I'm looking for feedback on my work, so tell me what you think. And I really mean be honest. If you love it, tell me why. If you hate it, tell me why. If you're on the fence, tell me why. All these things will help me become a better writer, which is ultimately what I am trying to do.
OK. Since I do write I am going to post a part of my story titled The Ultimate Evil. What I am going to post is my description of the ultimate evil himself, Arvil.
(Please note that all story parts posted are copyrighted by US law and are not to be used in any way, shape, or form, without the permission of the author.)
Here goes:

It was a cold night in Dark Land. The wind whistled through the dark trees. The sky, void of both moon and stars was as black as the wings of the crow. An unspeakable fear groaned on the wind, traveling to every corner of Dark Land.
Dark Ones walked about in their black land, their evil mounting with every step. Their dark eyes gleamed with anger and hatred. They were ready to fight and kill whoever dared
step in their way.
The tallest landmark in this land is Black Peak Mountain. Its sides are steep, slippery, and dangerous. But that danger is nothing compared to the terror that lingers in Dark Castle, which sits on its peak.
The castle is dark, imposing wooden doors with accents of black iron. Seven towers rise from the main level of the castle, all different heights. The gothic-style windows are very dark—not even the smallest flicker of light escapes through them.
Black flags stand on top of each tower. These flags, caught in the chilling breeze and whipped relentlessly by the wind, bring little comfort to the soul.
The walls of the castle are made of a cold black stone that serves only to warn of the danger inside. This hideous place is the home to Arvil, King of the Dark Ones.
The only subjects who live with Arvil are his most loyal and trustworthy ones. But proud as they are to be living in the castle, they live in constant fear.
Fear of their king.
Arvil is the most powerful Unicorn alive. His subjects are terrified of disappointing him. He has a reputation of taking a life when he lets his temper control him.
Arvil stood in the tallest tower in Dark Castle. He held his head and tail high. His long, thick mane hung over both sides of his neck. His body was heavily muscled and bore several battle scars. One ran across his ribs from one side of his chest to the other. There was a deep gash over his right shoulder and one twisted just above his heart. Half of his golden horn had been chopped off at an angle and numerous chips and dents scarred its surface. His most terrifying scar was on the left side of his face that went from the corner of his eye down to his lip, twisting his
mouth into a permanent scowl that showed off chipped white teeth.
He was a frightening being, but his most terrifying feature were his eyes. They were darker than his body, giving the appearance that he only had holes where the eyes should have been. The blacker than black eyes against his dark coat gave him a ghoulish appearance. He radiated with the type of evil that lurks in nightmares. He was a son of darkness who bathed in the terror he projected. There were many who believed that Arvil was the devil himself and they trembled at the mere mention of his name.
His chamber was round with only one window. No torches were in the room; Arvil preferred the dark. He almost disappeared in the blackness, except for his heavy gold horn. No light at all hit the horn, but somehow it still glowed brightly.
His chamber was private. No one was allowed entrance without permission. Usually, he walked all over the castle, feeling the terror he knew his subjects had for him, but for the past few days he had kept to himself. Only one week ago, the king of Validor had died. The next day Arvil had sent out his threat of invasion. It had sent the people into a panic. The evil King smiled at the thought. He knew that there were those who wanted to destroy him, but that was not possible. He was the most powerful creature in history—how could anyone defeat him? There had been one who had tried and that was why Arvil kept his battle scars. . . to remind
all that no one could destroy him, and to haunt that one when they met again.
Arvil was born a Unicorn, but he had also been born with an amazing gift. He was a shape shifter. He could morph into any form he wished and walk among the people of Validor, Excadious, and Shaldothe without anyone realizing that he was Arvil, the Dark One King.
Copyright 2008 by Madison Hood

So, what do you think? Remember to be honest.