Sunday, August 10, 2008

Hello Everyone!

Hey, guys! I have just created my very first blog! I'm really excited about it and in this first post I am going to tell you just what this blog is about.
As my domain name states, I love to write. What do I love to write? Right now (and probably forever) I write fantasy and sci-fi stories for YA readers (literary slang for young adults.) I'm looking for feedback on my work, so tell me what you think. And I really mean be honest. If you love it, tell me why. If you hate it, tell me why. If you're on the fence, tell me why. All these things will help me become a better writer, which is ultimately what I am trying to do.
OK. Since I do write I am going to post a part of my story titled The Ultimate Evil. What I am going to post is my description of the ultimate evil himself, Arvil.
(Please note that all story parts posted are copyrighted by US law and are not to be used in any way, shape, or form, without the permission of the author.)
Here goes:

It was a cold night in Dark Land. The wind whistled through the dark trees. The sky, void of both moon and stars was as black as the wings of the crow. An unspeakable fear groaned on the wind, traveling to every corner of Dark Land.
Dark Ones walked about in their black land, their evil mounting with every step. Their dark eyes gleamed with anger and hatred. They were ready to fight and kill whoever dared
step in their way.
The tallest landmark in this land is Black Peak Mountain. Its sides are steep, slippery, and dangerous. But that danger is nothing compared to the terror that lingers in Dark Castle, which sits on its peak.
The castle is dark, imposing wooden doors with accents of black iron. Seven towers rise from the main level of the castle, all different heights. The gothic-style windows are very dark—not even the smallest flicker of light escapes through them.
Black flags stand on top of each tower. These flags, caught in the chilling breeze and whipped relentlessly by the wind, bring little comfort to the soul.
The walls of the castle are made of a cold black stone that serves only to warn of the danger inside. This hideous place is the home to Arvil, King of the Dark Ones.
The only subjects who live with Arvil are his most loyal and trustworthy ones. But proud as they are to be living in the castle, they live in constant fear.
Fear of their king.
Arvil is the most powerful Unicorn alive. His subjects are terrified of disappointing him. He has a reputation of taking a life when he lets his temper control him.
Arvil stood in the tallest tower in Dark Castle. He held his head and tail high. His long, thick mane hung over both sides of his neck. His body was heavily muscled and bore several battle scars. One ran across his ribs from one side of his chest to the other. There was a deep gash over his right shoulder and one twisted just above his heart. Half of his golden horn had been chopped off at an angle and numerous chips and dents scarred its surface. His most terrifying scar was on the left side of his face that went from the corner of his eye down to his lip, twisting his
mouth into a permanent scowl that showed off chipped white teeth.
He was a frightening being, but his most terrifying feature were his eyes. They were darker than his body, giving the appearance that he only had holes where the eyes should have been. The blacker than black eyes against his dark coat gave him a ghoulish appearance. He radiated with the type of evil that lurks in nightmares. He was a son of darkness who bathed in the terror he projected. There were many who believed that Arvil was the devil himself and they trembled at the mere mention of his name.
His chamber was round with only one window. No torches were in the room; Arvil preferred the dark. He almost disappeared in the blackness, except for his heavy gold horn. No light at all hit the horn, but somehow it still glowed brightly.
His chamber was private. No one was allowed entrance without permission. Usually, he walked all over the castle, feeling the terror he knew his subjects had for him, but for the past few days he had kept to himself. Only one week ago, the king of Validor had died. The next day Arvil had sent out his threat of invasion. It had sent the people into a panic. The evil King smiled at the thought. He knew that there were those who wanted to destroy him, but that was not possible. He was the most powerful creature in history—how could anyone defeat him? There had been one who had tried and that was why Arvil kept his battle scars. . . to remind
all that no one could destroy him, and to haunt that one when they met again.
Arvil was born a Unicorn, but he had also been born with an amazing gift. He was a shape shifter. He could morph into any form he wished and walk among the people of Validor, Excadious, and Shaldothe without anyone realizing that he was Arvil, the Dark One King.
Copyright 2008 by Madison Hood

So, what do you think? Remember to be honest.


Audrey May said...

Wow. I didn't realize you were this good of a writer. I really enjoyed it and would love to read more. My only slight concern is that it's a long description. I'm not sure how the rest of your story goes but maybe you could try to disperse the physical descriptions of Arvil throughout the rest of the novel. Just a suggestion. I really liked it though and would love to read more

Madison said...

Aww, thanks Audrey! I'm aware that it's a long description, but there's a lot that goes into the character. Thanks so much for the suggestion and definately keep checking back because I'll be posting more. I'm going to try to post everyday...we'll see how that goes.
And we really gotta see each other again. We last saw each other on Christmas...ah, too long!

Audrey May said...

I'm going to Charlotte and am hopefully joining BCM. I'm sure we'll see each other much more often

Madison said...

That sounds great!

Sarah said...

Great, that's some good writing!


although there were a few distracting things: Dark Land? less creative than your names you have, so that was kinda disapointing.

and the intro to Dark Land you said "the crow" so my mind started looking for the crow... try 'a' or somthing besides 'the' unless the crow is a charactor.

the scar "went from the corner of his eye down to his lip, twisting his mouth into a permanent scowl"
I'm sorry, that's been over used. (I read Redwall) I know it's good, but your too creative to use that line. :D

one last thing, the shapeshifting should come earlier. Or later on to disperse revealing things about him- like audrey suggested. :)

"These flags, caught in the chilling breeze and whipped relentlessly by the wind, bring little comfort to the soul."
-love, love, love that!

I don't think i've read anything of yours, it's very impressive!

Madison said...

Thanks, Sarah! Yeah, this still needs really hasn't been edited yet.
I have thought about moving the shape-shifting paragraph. Maybe I should move it to chapter one when the Validor Council is in session and talking about their situation.
The name Dark Land and Dark Ones have stuck since I was eight. That's eleven years! But I think I've figured out a way to make it work in the story better than it does. Ha ha, yes, it's PERFECT! :-)
Anyway, I am sooooo glad that you like it!

EJ Spurrell said...

Good stuff-- the only suggestion I have to make is that you put a blank line between each paragraph, and quite possibly split up your personal blog with your fiction. (IE, a post for a personal note, a post per piece of fiction/chapter/part/whatever.)

Also, to help increase traffic, I would suggest doing link exchanged with other authors out there.

Are you only advertising on Facebook?

Good luck!

Madison said...

Yes, I am only on Facebook. I'm trying to figure out how to create a fan base page, but that's not going so well right now. If you know how, please tell me.
I am not smart when it comes to technology. How would I link with other authors?
Thanks for your layout suggestions. Might have to apply those.